


Lifelong

by Moonbyul_stan



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 17:05:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9912527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonbyul_stan/pseuds/Moonbyul_stan
Summary: Moonbyul and Yongsun had known each other since they were in grade school. Moonbyul had always admired Yongsun for her personality and within time that admiration grew into love. Unfortunately, life has a way of getting in between of things.





	

It was not love at first sight, but an alluring enchantment that was too strong to ignore.

Moonbyul was 6 years old when she first saw Kim Yongsun. Saw, not met. Moonbyul was not an outgoing child and preferred to stick to what she knew, which was action figures and swinging til she could get as high as possible before jumping off. She got along with the other kids just fine, it’s just she was too ‘boyish’ to be with the girls and too ‘girlish’ to be with the boys. So, there she was swinging away as she observed the other kids from afar. She could recognize most of their faces except one new face that she had never seen before. She was small but had a pudgy face that was revered for its cuteness by all around her. Moonbyul also fell into the category of on-lookers who admired her radiant cuteness. The girl got along with the others very well, she seemed like the perfect mixture of outgoing and reserved. Looking back on it, Moonbyul wish she could have gotten the courage to come off her swing and meet the girl much sooner.

As the weeks went by, in passing, she learned that the girl’s name was Kim Yongsun. She was a year older than her and loved to entertain everyone around her. She was prone to keeping around a group of girls around her at all times, always finding herself at the center without trying too hard. Moonbyul was curious about her, she wanted to know what made her tick and what she was like. Slowly she began to find reason’s to be in ear shot of Yongsun’s ‘crew’. Yongsun had a passionate voice that could tell stories with very little stutter. Moonbyul found a creeping jealous feeling worm its way up but die out in mere seconds, at that time she was experiencing a stutter because of a swing mishap of resulted in the loss of a few teeth. Boys and girls talked to her, which was strange as boys avoided girls like the plague. In Yongsun’s increasing popularity, she continued to expression pleasantries with everyone she met. She once heard Yongsun be described as a ‘person sculpted by the sun’ and honestly she couldn’t disagree. After a month, Moonbyul found that her day at the school could not end without a glimpse of the sun shining female.  
Although Moonbyul was captivated, Kim Yongson would never speak to 6-year-old Moon Byul Yi or share a glance with her. 

-10 Years Old-

This was the age of when boys and girls were discovering that there were real differences between the two genders. Boys and girls began to make play dates with each other, and the gossip of who will be under the big Oak Tree on the playground was the talk of the school. Moonbyul had flown under the radar and was never once susceptible to becoming victim of the rumors. She was friends with a boy named Jin now. He liked to bring his action figures to the playground for them to play with and talk about how silly everyone is about the opposite gender. They had an easy going friendship of Moonbyul picking flowers and making flower crowns to put on Jin’s head. Although Jin was aware of how boys never wore them, he didn’t care because those crowns made him feel pretty. It wasn’t until one day that Yongsun walked across where they were currently laying under the shade, that Jin decided to mention something. He pointed out that Moonbyul’s attention was always being drawn to her. Moonbyul tried to deny it but ended up giving in. 

He would laugh at her for the way she avoided the other girl. Jin got an idea and decided to triple dog dare her into talking to the pretty 11 year old. Moonbyul sat horrified because by child logic, one cannot refuse a triple dog dare. She huffed air into cheeks and stood up. Confidently she exhaled and announced that she was going to and when she came back she was going to make him feel sorry for doing this to her. His sheepish grin spread across his face as he watched her walk away. As she made the long strides towards the older girl, her heart began to pound faster and faster. Her confidence wavered but she knew that there was no turning back now as some of Yongsun’s friends began to look at her. As she got closer, Yongsun turned her head to look at her. Moonbyul’s legs felt like jelly under the anxiety of having to approach somebody that up until now she had only observed. It didn’t help that a smile slowly crawled up Yongsun’s face. Yongsun greeted her with the same hospitality that she used with everyone else.

Moonbyul felt her body heat up and suddenly she felt an unconscious need to become more than just an observer. Without giving a questioning thought, the words ‘you’ and ‘pretty’ came bustling out of her mouth like a raging river. She felt a warning siren blare inside her head and the extreme embarrassment of the outburst made her clinch her first inside of her pockets. Yongsun’s friends gave her estrange looks, but Yongsun just covered her face and giggled. A thought entered her brain, she had said the wrong thing and now everyone was going to make fun of her. Her thoughts were interrupted by the older girl giving her a shy smile and an appreciative ‘thank you’ before returning the compliment. That was how a lifelong connection began. With each passing day, Moonbyul would complement her each time their paths crossed. Yongsun would shyly look down and accept the compliment and they would be their separate ways. One day, Moonbyul felt extra subconscious and said nothing. It was on that day that Yongsun pursued her. 

Moonbyul was only lightly swinging on her familiar swing before Yongsun walked up to it. A questioning look danced along her eyes and her mouth opened and closed several times before any words could come out. Moonbyul couldn’t speak, all she wanted to do was hear what Yongsun wanted to say. The words “is everything okay?” tumbled out after a minute of silence. Moonbyul scrunched up her brows before slowly nodding. Yongsun was flabbergasted in the way she was trying to explain that she kept waiting to hear her daily compliment while also trying to explain why she isn’t as self-conceded as she sounds. Moonbyul was glad that Jin choose that day to stay inside and work on his drawing skills. It was half-way through Yongsun’s explanation of why she was so distraught that Moonbyul could no longer contain a burst of laughter that she had no idea that she was containing. Yongsun abruptly stopped and began to pout. Moonbyul slowed her laughing down to a chuckle, looking up at her in the most charming way that she could possible muster and spoke out “You’re so cute when you’re struggling on what to say.”

It was the first time she had ever seen Yongsun blush instead of shyly look away. It was on that day that Moonbyul decided that she wanted to never see that girl frown ever again. Over the next few days, Yongsun began to incorporate a minute or two of just her and Moonbyul together, whether it is through just Moonbyul trying to make her smile or just Yongsun complaining about the spelling test she doesn’t want to take the next day. As the time passed, they began to spend more and more time with each other. A minute during recess turned into 5 minutes, 5 minutes into 10. Eventually, Yongsun wouldn’t join her usual huddle of friends and would go straight to Moonbyul. She got along with Jin and found that their easy-going nature was just as intoxicating as her need to entertain those around her.  
Soon Yongsun began to proudly call Moonbyul her best friend. She never found out that Moonbyul had known her since she was 7. 

-15 years old-

Dating had now become the big life changing event that seemed to captivate everyone except Moonbyul. She still had no interest in her male peers and found that the feeling was mutual. She enjoyed meeting guys, but she was drawn into having brother-sister relationships over dating. At that time, she didn’t understand why she couldn’t feel normal feelings for them. Yongsun was timid about dating, she grew up in a strict household and now found refuge at Moonbyul’s house whenever she felt overwhelmed by the pressures of her parents. It turned out that they lived in the same neighborhood and were only 10 minutes apart by walking. Yongsun would jump onto a spot next to Moonbyul and lay an arm around the other girl’s slim waist. Moonbyul knew she could always rely on the blissful feeling of knowing Yongsun would lay her head on her shoulder and cuddle into her. Yongsun had once explained that Moonbyul felt like a safe haven for her. There was no prejudice, no expectations, just them and the stars. The stars referencing to the fact that Moonbyul had glow in the dark stars planted along the ceiling of her room. 

As their school year dragged on, Moonbyul began to realize that the way she felt for Yongsun was out of the ordinary. By the end of the year, she realized that what she felt for Yongsun was dangerous. However, instead of cowering and pushing Yongsun away, she kept her even closer. Like a masochist that was discovering what made her mind tick, she became dangerously intoxicated with the way her and Yongsun interacted. It began to feel like a game, how far would she be able to go before Yongsun would pull away and stop her with a ‘okay this is getting weird’. Moonbyul didn’t care about why she only felt a burst of excitement at seeing Yongsun, but only a dull splash for boys. All she cared about was seeing the other girl and being with the other girl. Despite being a year apart, they spent all their time together. They constantly texted and would surprise each other with gifts or visits whenever they realized the other person was feeling down.

People began to associate them as a pair that would probably by houses next to each other and have their weddings together. Yongsun would take great pride in the fact that she was paired up with someone as fantastic as Moonbyul. Moonbyul would feel her heart speed up at the mention of growing older alongside Yongsun. Although, it would become harder to ignore the ‘houses next door’ and the ‘getting married to different people’ as Moonbyul’s began to care more and more about what she felt for Yongsun. One day, her curiosity got the best of her and she found herself looking up what her feelings meant. She closed her laptop quickly upon discovering the words ‘gay’ and ‘lesbian’. Those words had terrified her. The once prideful feeling of loving the fact that she was different than most girls now shook her to her core. It kept her up at nights and suddenly everything had made sense. Yongsun would ask what was wrong, and all Moonbyul could do was muster up a smile and claim that there was nothing wrong.  
Yongsun didn’t believe it, but she wasn’t going to force her into discussing something she didn’t want to talk about. 

-17 Years Old-

College was now on the horizon as Yongsun was becoming busier and busier with her senior year and entrance exams that her parents made her take. Moonbyul was out as a lesbian now after experiencing a long denial period that Yongsun had to drag her out of. Turns out, Yongsun had figured her sexuality out a while ago and was waiting for Moonbyul to catch up. While Moonbyul’s parents were hesitant on accepting her, they reluctantly did and soon began to invest time in asking her if she had met any girls that caught her eye. They chose not to mention it to Yongsun’s parents. It was halfway during the semester when Yongsun comes bursting into Moonbyul’s room crying and plopping down at her familiar spot next to Moonbyul. She felt a ping of hot anger run down her body as she realized it had something to do with her boyfriend, Eric. Yongsun had been dating Eric for about a year and a half at that time. The day that Yongsun admitted to having accepted his offer to be his girlfriend, Moonbyul felt her heart shatter just a tad bit. It was also a wakeup call to the painful reality that she liked the petite older girl far more than she had imagined.  
Moonbyul cried until she passed out that night.

Moonbyul traced her hand up and down Yongsun’s back in order to soothe her into calming down. These days had been occurring far more frequently. Yongsun was slowly becoming too busy to come see her for just a friendly hang out. Now she only came when she was upset or bored. From underneath Moonbyul’s shoulder, she heard a muttering voice discuss how boys are stupid and not worth her time. Moonbyul smiled sadly at her, her heart was breaking. She made a smart ass comment about how that was why she didn’t deal with them and Yongsun laughed shallowly at it. She made a passing comment about how she wished she could do the same, the smile on Moonbyul’s face fell. She wanted to comment that she wished she could to. She wanted to tell her to just end her relationship and just give her a try instead. She wanted to be selfish. She knew she was her best friend and one of her top priorities, but she wanted her heart too. 

Moonbyul did what she always did, she lifted the other girls chin so that their eyes met, and she spoke softly about how things would be better the next day. Yongsun would smile back at her in a way that made Moonbyul’s heart sing, and say thanks before leaving a kiss on her check. That kiss on the cheek was a thing Yongsun began to do when she felt grateful towards her around a year ago. The first time it happened, Moonbyul felt that she was going to pass out from her own body heat soaring up. Yongsun laughed loudly at the reaction and exclaimed her excitement at finally finding something to repay her for all the times she made herself blush. Moonbyul hid her face, hiding the fact that she was smiling as if there was no where she would rather be than where she was at that moment. Each time it happened, it would rise up Moonbyul’s hopes that maybe Yongsun could possible feel the same. However, those hopes would be dashed later by sights of her and her boyfriend or discussions of how great it is to kiss boys. 

Now the kiss on the cheek felt more hallow than sweet. Because the reactions granted from the kiss began to die down, Yongsun began to only do it on rare occasions. In the same masochist way, Moonbyul missed those moments. Sometimes she wondered if their relationship was unhealthy, until she remembers the love and care that Yongsun has shown her throughout their friendship. Moonbyul tried to kiss other girls, but she never could feel anything. She couldn’t get herself to date anyone seriously. The overwhelming feeling of knowing she was using them to get over Yongsun loomed over her so she used the excuse that there weren’t enough gay women around to capture her interest. 

One night, Yongsun called her at 1 am to discuss the fact that she had finally had her first time after months of denying her boyfriend because she felt like she wasn’t ready. She was excited but openly admitted that it wasn’t what she imagined. Moonbyul could hardly get the words out her mouth, she only mumbled the typical ‘mhm’ ‘ooh’ when she was required to. Yongsun was use to that when it came to talking about boys so she thought nothing of it. When they hanged up, Moonbyul felt her body shake into an uncontrollable fit. Tears rolled down her face and her fingers gripped her legs tightly. Moonbyul had never experienced a panic attack before and had no idea how to calm down. Her breathing was exasperated and shallow. A thought crossed her mind that she should call Yongsun back, get her to tell her to calm down and say that everything will be fine. But then she remembers that she is probably back in his arms. The thought made things worse. It wasn’t until after 10 minutes of shaking and hyperventilating that her mom cracked open the door in concerned. She came to her daughter’s side and soothed her into breathing normally again.  
Her mom sighed and hugged her daughter tightly after she hears the words “I love her”. 

-18 Years old-

Yongsun and Moonbyul had grown apart from the longer distance apart and the unspoken secrets that Moonbyul now hid from Yongsun. After the revealing call that Yongsun had slept with Eric, Moonbyul began to distance herself. By the time Yongsun had entered college she was still with Eric and was apparently very happy with him. She was earning good grades and had regained her popularity status that she had as a child before she met Moonbyul. Moonbyul became fully reacquainted with Jin and now was familiarized with his group of friends. After working a lot and getting help by her parents, she was able to buy a used motorcycle and fix it back up to brand new condition. Whenever she thought too much about Yongsun, she would go for a ride. Jin liked to make fun of her, stating that she might as well marry her bike. He would make those comments before engulfing his best friend into a tight hug. He understood what it meant to be in love with someone he couldn’t have. He wanted her to have to experience a beautiful relationship and get over Yongsun. He knew better though. He wanted to hate her for not realizing the pain she put Moonbyul through, but he couldn’t. 

It was two months before the end of Moonbyul’s last year as a regular student when she received a call from Yongsun. During that entire year, they had only talked a handful of times briefly. Yongsun would message her ‘Merry Christmas!’ and ‘Happy New Years’ and leave a nice message for her birthday, but that was it. Yongsun didn’t come home that often as she now liked to travel to where her friends and boyfriend were. Moonbyul couldn’t help but admitting that she missed Yongsun. She missed her so much that Jin had to step in and get her from scrolling down Yongsun’s Instagram page like a lost puppy. He had to step in to do a lot of things. Jin and his friends liked to drink, so gradually Moonbyul sculpted a taste for hard liquor. There was more than one occasion that he would drag Moonbyul away from where the supply of alcohol was and get her sobered up. She wasn’t on her way to becoming an alcoholic, but boy did she enjoy the feeling of forgetting who a Yongsun was and remembering how great it is to feel a woman’s body underneath her. 

The call started awkwardly with either of them not knowing what to say. There was a time when neither of them knew when to shut up while they were on the phone with each other. Yongsun started with an apology for not calling or texting her, stating that she was just really busy and it kept slipping her mind. Moonbyul felt her chest tighten up at the fact that Yongsun really did move on from their friendship. She wished she could find it in her to be angry at her. Of course, she can’t because it takes two to have a conversation. Moonbyul gathers the courage to ask what Yongsun needed, because now this was their reality. Yongsun was quite for a moment before speaking very quietly that Eric had been cheating on her. Moonbyul’s eyes had widen from the revelation before she regained her composure. Yongsun continued to talk about how she didn’t know who to talk about this with, how none of her friends would really get how she felt about it. No one except her. 

The words were like bullets flying straight into Moonbyul’s heart. She wanted to scream that Yongsun was the one who left her. She was the one who moved on and built an entire life that did not include her. Instead, she asks where she is. Yongsun mumbles that she is at home and Moonbyul tells her to come over. Again, a few years ago, Yongsun would have come over from the start without a phone call. The thought saddened her even more. She started to believe she really was a masochist. Her heart was beating as if she was 10 years old again talking to her for the first time. She threw on her riding jacket and grabbed her spare helmet that had been laying on a chair. When she came downstairs, her mother had called to her asking if she was going to ride over to Jin’s house. 

Her mother couldn’t mask the worrying look that she gave her daughter when she admitted that Yongsun was the one coming over. Moonbyul knew that she shouldn’t, but god she had missed her so badly. So, when there is a knock at the door, Moonbyul opens it and can’t stop herself from smiling at seeing her. Yongsun had really grown up to be incredibly beautiful in every way imaginable. Yongsun’s first reaction towards seeing her past best friend was to launch herself into her arms. In the frenzy of getting attacked by a death grip of a hug, Moonbyul’s spare helmet dropped to the ground with a loud thunk. Yongsun examined it before looking back at her with a smirk. Of course, she had gotten a motorcycle. Moonbyul looked down sheepishly and lead her into the garage where her baby was parked. Sometimes, only having a motorcycle to ride was a bad thing, but on those beautiful warm sunny days it was like a dream. Yongsun put on her helmet and climbed on the back of the bike. She wrapped her arms around Moonbyul’s waist and they began to descend the drive way.

Moonbyul briefly mentioned that riding her bike put her heart at ease and wanted to drive around before Yongsun talked about what had happened with Eric. After 20 minutes of riding, Moonbyul stopped on the side of the rode where an opening to a lake was. She cursed at the fact that her waist felt cooler without Yongsun’s arms wrapped around it. She found herself feeling pathetic for still having such intense feelings for this girl. Her thoughts were broken up by Yongsun’s excited banter about how amazing it was to ride with her and that she wished she had done it sooner. Moonbyul couldn’t help but smiling at the way her eyes lit up and her voice rang at a higher pitch than the voice she heard over the phone. It was her own slice of paradise- she would tell her as she locked her bike into place and laid down onto the grass that overlooked the lake. Yongsun followed her lead and placed the helmet beside her.

After a minute of silence between the two girls, Yongsun spoke up about how Eric had been sleeping with another girl for a few months. She talked slowly like she was picking her words carefully. During the ending of their relationship, she felt like something was wrong between them. She didn’t want to stop it because Eric had grown to be something of great comfort to her. When she found out, she honestly didn’t know how to react. She was stunned, hurt, and angry but she was also relieved? She admitted that she felt like something had been missing in their relationship. She just didn’t know what. She backtracked and angrily said that she was furious with him and that their relationship was over for sure, but she just couldn’t turn that fire into anything more than what it was. Moonbyul watched the girl carefully, deciphering every facial expression and hand motion that the other girl used to display her emotions. Moonbyul felt like she was 15 again and still learning about what love meant.  
Yongsun had realized that she was staring and abruptly got embarrassed. She began to frantically talk about how selfish she has been by choosing a guy over her. How she came back into Moonbyul’s life just to talk about how her love life has gone to shit. Tears began to fill up her eyes as she apologizes her heart out for not being there when she should have been. She starts to stutter as she knows there is so much more she should be saying or apologizing for. Moonbyul finds that she can no longer stand to see her like this. Moonbyul moves over to get into a comfortable position and cups Yongsun’s cheeks with her hands. She recites what she told her when they were collectively 10 and 11 years old. ‘You’re so cute when you’re struggling on what to say.’ That was the final push that broke the dam. Yongsun began to sob into Moonbyul’s shirt as Moonbyul held her as close as possible. They stayed like that for a while before Yongsun pulled away. Her eyes were puffy and red and her breathing was shallow but god did Moonbyul want to kiss her. She wanted to kiss her with every fiber of her being and take away the guilt and pain that the other girl was feeling. 

Instead, she kissed Yongsun’s forehead and pressed theirs together speaking words of comfort that things were going to be alright. After that day, their relationship picked up where it left off. If anything, it was better than how it was when it had ended. It was as if Yongsun now looked at Moonbyul in a new light. They now talked every day about anything and everything. Although the feelings of unrequited love were still blazing bright, things felt different. Yongsun’s dorm was only 45 minutes away so she could come see her whenever she could. Moonbyul was still deciding on if she wanted to continue her studies or just join the work force and work her way up. In the end, she decided to go to college. They went on drives, they sang a lot, they went out to eat with each other often. Everything they did, they did together. When they were separated, they longed to be reunited.

One day they were watching a movie during their summer break, Yongsun’s head on Moonbyul’s shoulder and a blanket covering their bodies. When Yongsun spoke, she could tell that Yongsun was choosing her words carefully by the slow pace of her speech. She was surprised when she asked when she knew she liked girls. Moonbyul didn’t know how to answer. She knew she liked girls when she realized that she could never look at a man the way she did towards Yongsun. Instead, she just makes an offhand joke about realizing that women are less messy than boys. Yongsun shoved her away and requests that she answer the question seriously. Biting her lip, Moonbyul began to recite that she knew she wasn’t into men when she realized that there was no attraction there. She realized how pretty women were, how soft their lips must be. She must have been droning on about it for 5 minutes before Yongsun stops her with a kiss. Moonbyul wouldn’t describe it as fireworks, but as a slow burning tsunami of hot fire rolling around in her stomach.

She felt ignited like she was high on the highest quality drug there could be. When Yongsun had pulled back, Moonbyul wanted to pull her back in. They both stared at each other with slightly open mouths. Yongsun sharply turned her head and apologized for what she had done and started to make the motion of getting up before she was pulled directly back down. This time, there was no instead. Moonbyul gripped the back of her neck and pulled her in for another kiss. She wanted another hit of the drug that she now could call Yongsun. No previous kisses from her past trysts could even begin to compare to how it felt kissing her. The taste of Yongsun’s lips were as enchanting as she had always dreamed. Yongsun matched her intensity by gripping her waist tightly brining her in closer. When they pulled away, they both just stared at each other not knowing what to say. Moonbyul gulped and realize that now was the time. 12 years of her life were spent in creating this moment where her emotions finally came to the surface.

With a sharp intake, she gathered up the courage she had gained when Yongsun kissed her. The words tumbled out of her mouth whether she wanted them to or not. She had been in love with her for as long as she knew what love was, and was enchanted by her since the moment she first saw her. Yongsun’s covered her mouth and turned away. She began to tremble at the knowledge of this revelation. She began to repeat sentences like ‘all this time’ and ‘god I must have hurt you so many times without knowing’ ‘fuck why didn’t you tell me’. The more she rambled, the less confident Moonbyul felt about Yongsun returning her feelings. What if the kiss was just Yongsun’s way of testing if she liked girls? It was like telepathy that Yongsun immediately rushes in to explain that she isn’t rejecting her feelings and kissed her again. Moonbyul pulls away and asks what this means to Yongsun. Her reply is that she isn’t sure. The feelings are new and she has no idea what’s next.  
They spend the rest of summer vacation exploring both themselves and their new-found relationship.

-21 Years old-

Moonbyul wakes up to the sun shining down into her face. She was currently naked in bed next to Yongsun. The way the sun shined down on Yongsun made her look like a gift that only an angel itself could provide to her. Moonbyul traced down the spine of her back, she loved waking up to her girlfriend like this. They had been together now for a little over 2 and a half years but she still couldn’t believe that it was real and not a dream. She was staring down at her when Yongsun opened her and placed a good morning kiss below her collar bone where her face was buried into. Moonbyul returned the favor by lightly kissing the top of her head. Moonbyul snuggled into her girlfriend and mumbled a ‘guess what’. With it being so early in the morning, Yongsun responded with a voice that expected an answer. ‘Im in love with you.’ ‘Good that makes two of us.’  
They really did love each other.

-27 years old-

Moonbyul stands at the alter anxiously awaiting to see her bride. Her bride. The words just seemed so impossible to comprehend. Jin is standing next to her grinning like an idiot. They always talked about how her life was like a movie and how it took 21 years to get to this point. Moonbyul wore a black suit with her hair down. Yongsun, escorted by her now step-father, marched down the aisle with a gorgeous long white dress. Moonbyul felt herself tear up at how beautiful her bride looked. Not only that but how angry she was that Yongsun’s family declined their invitation to see their own flesh and blood get married. Yongsun soothed those worries though, because she had all the family she needed as long as she was with Moonbyul.  
In the end, they say they do.


End file.
